somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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