she looked like the before picture.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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