We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
sex in a hospital.. check
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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