2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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