Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
