Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
