So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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