: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize