this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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