Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
