Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
