Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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