Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
