What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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