Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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