Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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