How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize