The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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