How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it because I queefed?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk