You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.