Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.