My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?