a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.