THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people