drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
