I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
