maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
