i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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