Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
