I don't think brook has ever known best
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
