I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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