So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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