We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize