Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
