So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
