is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
