I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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