i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
