we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
