Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
