Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
