You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
