im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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