It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
