So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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