I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
