Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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