I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
