Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
