I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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