Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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