i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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