Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
