Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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