do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
