I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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