I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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