So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
