I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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