Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
