My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize