i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
