There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
