so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
