plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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