nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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