Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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