He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
