My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
