Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
