My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
