I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize